Like many people, the COVID-19 pandemic made me acutely aware of my own health, especially when an unexpected symptom arose. Early in the lockdown, I started to feel really fatigued so I went to get my bloodwork done out of precaution. The results did not show anything concerning, and the only suggestion was that I probably had mono recently and the fatigue was related to that.
As the months went by, I started to experience what I thought was anxiety—2020 was a very anxious time after all. I had shortness of breath that was so bad, I could hardly walk up a flight of stairs without needing to sit down after. I spoke with my doctors and they just kept saying it was mono, anxiety or COVID. They told me to give it three months and then if it was still no better, I could see a cardiologist.
Unsurprisingly, things did not improve.
I went to see a cardiologist three months later and they said my heart looked fine. They thought I had long COVID and told me to come back in a few months if I was still struggling with shortness of breath. As it was still a lockdown, I was just sitting at home, not doing much. All the while I was getting sicker and I had no idea.
When some of the lockdown rules were lifted in 2021, my mom and I decided to have a girls’ weekend to Miami. We planned on getting some sunshine for a few days, but right before we left New Jersey, I suddenly had an awful sore throat. I went to the doctor and they tested me for strep throat, thinking that was all it could be.
By the time we got to Miami, it was even more painful. I called my doctor for the results and he said it was definitely strep throat, so I was prescribed some antibiotics I could pick up during the trip.
Only, things went from zero to a 100 really quick over the next few days.
I developed what looked like a rash all over my body and broken blood vessels on my face. My lymph nodes swelled to the size of golf balls, and I lay in bed crying over how bad the sore throat was. It seemed so dramatic, but I could not even swallow. I called the doctor and was told to get to the emergency room immediately, but after waiting what seemed like forever, a nurse practitioner told me it was just mono. I was given steroids and sent on my way.
As I was preparing to leave Miami, I suddenly got the worst back pain ever. I do not know how I made it onto the plane, but I just powered through. As soon as I got home, I went to bed and woke up the next day knowing in my gut something was not right. Still, I kept trying to convince myself that I was just being dramatic and surely the doctors were right.
‘I Was a Ticking Time Bomb’
I could not deny the mounting symptoms that clearly were not caused by anxiety or mono.
I asked my mom to drive me to urgent care because I could no longer see straight. The worker at urgent care took one look at me and said I needed to go to the emergency room. I still thought I was being dramatic and questioned whether I really needed to be back there again.
Nonetheless, they did bloodwork and planned to give me a CT scan, as they thought my back pain could be a kidney infection. As they were wheeling me in for the scan, a doctor chased us down the corridor with urgent news about my results. Even without doing any other tests, he said my bloodwork was out of control and it was definitely leukemia.
By the time I got diagnosed, my white blood cell count was so high, and my red blood cell count was so low, they said I was essentially a ticking time bomb and could have gone into cardiac arrest at any minute. Had I not gone to the hospital when I did, I probably would have only had a week or two left.
Everything started spinning and felt like time froze. I was 25 years old and had barely even lived yet. I wanted to get married and have a family, but it felt like everything was ripped away from me.
‘I Was in Hospital for 118 Days Straight’
My family made a rule that I was not allowed to Google anything, and my doctors were great at ensuring I was not aware of the seriousness of the situation. That was good for me because I was living in a sort of delusion the entire time.
I had chemotherapy for 24 hours straight for a whole week and then the plan was to go home and do outpatient chemo. But as the treatment brings your blood cell counts right down, you have to wait for them to rise to a certain level before leaving the hospital. Mine however, did not.
Unfortunately, the first round of chemotherapy did not work, and we had to try again. A bone marrow transplant also seemed likely, but that needed to be done when I had zero cancer cells. As soon as the cancer was depleted, I went straight in for the bone marrow transplant followed by another round of chemotherapy and two rounds of full body radiation.
All in all, I spent 118 days in the hospital without setting foot outside.
It was really tough as it was COVID, so the visiting hours were restricted and I could only have one visitor the entire time. My mom gave up her job, moved to New York City and came to see me every day. I could not see any other family or friends, but they helped me in so many other ways. They would video call me during mealtimes so I did not have to eat alone, and they were always available when I needed to talk.
The nurses at the hospital did everything they could to help me too. They really became my friends, and it felt like a sorority at times. Those nurses are the most special people on this planet, and some of them even attended my wedding.
The moment I finally got to leave the hospital was surreal. I had no immune system, I was taking around 60 pills a day, and I could not walk for more than five minutes. I was just so beaten down by all the treatment, but with physical therapy, I gradually regained my life.
I was really into fitness before cancer, but doctors warned me that my body would not be capable of what it could previously do. I did not want to believe that, so I just tried to do whatever I could and kept doing a little bit more each day. It was really difficult in the beginning, but I got better, I figured out a routine that worked for me and built up my strength.
Now, I’m the fittest and healthiest I have ever been. I am in the best shape of my life and my endurance has never been so good. Doctors also said I would never be able to have a family, but I got married and am currently pregnant with my first child. My life is everything I dreamed of.
Remember that doctors are not God. The diagnosis they gave me was basically a death sentence, but I refused to be another statistic. In July, I will reach five years in remission and have accomplished so much that was once deemed impossible.
When you stay strong mentally and don’t give up, your body will join you in that fight. If you believe it, you will do it.
Lindsay Kassab, 30, from New Jersey is a certified holistic health coach who has been documenting her recovery from cancer on social media (@health_with_lindsay).